


Code Name: Agent P

by LigerCat



Category: Hogan's Heroes (TV 1965), Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Constructive Criticism Welcome, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Rescue Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26376418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LigerCat/pseuds/LigerCat
Summary: An Allied spy is captured and the heroes are sent to the recuse.Too bad London left out one little detail...
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	Code Name: Agent P

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything except the guard, the lieutenant, and all seasons the of both Hogan's Heroes and Phineas and Ferb on dvd.
> 
> This is my first time writing the Hogan's Heroes characters. If anything is too OOC or some detail is wrong, please do let me know so I can learn and correct it. Danke.

The bunk covering the tunnel entrance in barracks banged open to admit Sergeant James Kinchloe. "Message from London, Colonel." Turning away from the bunk, he pressed the hidden switch to lower it back into place.

The gin game taking up the table ground to a halt as the two players's and one observer's attention shifted to Kinch. Even a few extras in other parts of the barracks, not being important enough to the grand scheme of the plot to have a seat at the table, raised their heads halfheartedly, knowing that listening in and maybe having a chance to put a distraction into action would be the most excitement they'd ever get to have. Unless the main team was caught, in which case, they could add being tortured, shot, or hung to the list of thrilling activities provided by Stalag 13.

Colonel Hogan calmly sipped his coffee as he waited for the paper bearing the message to be handed over. When it was, he scanned it and nodded before raising his brown eyes to his men. "The Gestapo captured an Allied spy, and London wants us to break him out."

"Another one?" Technical Sergeant Andrew Carter blurted out. "That's the third one this month!"

"They must be bloody linin' up for the Krauts." Corporal Peter Newkirk eyed his cards a moment then snapped them down. "Gin."

Corporal Louis LeBeau cursed before tossing down his own for Newkirk to collect and reshuffle. "What's the plan, mon Colonel?"

"We go in as Gestapo with orders to bring the prisoner to Berlin." Hogan paused. "A major and a captain should do, and we'll need a car from the motor pool. How long has it been since we gave Klink's car a tune-up?"

"Let me see, we used it last mission so that'd be about two days, Gov'ner." Newkirk dealt out a new game with the air and ease of a professional dealer. "But there was some odd rattling in there. Probably that bolt what slipped out me 'and when we were fixing it."

Hogan grinned. "We can work with that."

* * *

Work with it was something of an understatement. Despite Klink's best efforts, he didn't have a chance once Hogan started talking circles around his reasoning. Aside from a slight and, thankfully, brief chewing out directed at their poor quality of work, brief mostly due to the reminder that they worked a whole lot cheaper than any of the mechanic shops in Hammelburg. And who was Klink to argue when it was his budget on the line?

The bolt was removed that evening, not the Kommandant needed to know that, and after roll call, the team gathered in the tunnels to make final preparations. The uniforms were on, the forged orders were, well, forged, and the final best of lucks were wished.

* * *

The lieutenant behind the desk jumped to attention when Hogan, trailed by Carter, barged into the Gestapo building. Slapping down the forged transfer order, Hogan scowled. "I am Major Hoganmuller. I am to take custody of the man you picked up last night."

This particular lieutenant beamed at them with only a hint of disbelieve lurking in his features. A somewhat off-putting expression when coming such a source. "Herr Major, you are here from Berlin? For the prisoner?"

Hogan arched an eyebrow. "Did I not just say that? You were, of course, expecting me." It wasn't impossible that there was someone coming to pick up the prisoner from Berlin.

"Yes. No." The lieutenant blinked, still looking much happier than any member of the Gestapo had any right to. "We were not sure anyone would be sent for the prisoner." He giggled. Actually giggled. Something no Gestapo, other than one that was really Carter in disguise, should ever do.

When he showed no sign of stopping, Hogan slammed a hand down on the desk, making the German jump. "Enough!" Hogan glared at him a moment to make sure it was over. "Show me to the prisoner!"

"Right away, Herr Major."

As they followed the lieutenant to the cells, Hogan asked, "Have you questioned the prisoner yet?" Any spy worth their salt wouldn't have broken within a day, but if they hadn't managed to get any information out of him, it was better to know now.

"Ja. But we learned nothing." The lieutenant glanced back at him. "We do not believe he speaks Deutsch."

"Then why did you not question him in English?" The ice in his tone brought down the temperature in the room a few degrees.

"We do not believe he speaks that either."

The message from London didn't mention nationality. "French?"

"Nein." Stopping for a second, he hesitated. "He speaks... we are not sure he speaks. He understands us, but he does not speak anything we can understand him." When he started walking again, Hogan and Carter exchanged a look. Someway of misleading or confounding his interrogators?

They reached the cell in silence. There was a guard there that the lieutenant spoke briefly with. Turning to Hogan, he gestured to the closed door. "We are keeping him drugged since the last interrogation. He is... slippery."

That could complicate things. Having to drag a half-conscious or unconscious man through the woods and through the tree stump existence wasn't anyone's idea of 'fun.'

The guard unlocked the cell, opening it to reveal--

A small teal lump.

Hogan blinked but the sight didn't change. "What is this?" The temperature dropped another degree at the question. He expected the next words out of the man's mouth to be that this was a trap as both Gestapo members pulled guns, but instead, the lieutenant appeared to blush.

"Scholz says it is a platypus."

While Hogan tried to wrap his mind around that one, Carter chipped in, "Gee, I always thought platypuses were brown. And only in Australia. Hey, maybe it came from the zoo!"

The lieutenant seemed to like that idea, and too worried about "major's" reaction to notice Carter's completely wrong accent or the look the sergeant was receiving for it, and just nodded. "Ja." He laughed, thankfully not anywhere close to a giggle. "Maybe that is where it operates from. Could you imagine? Everyone thinks it is trapped in the cage but it comes and goes as it pleases to sabotage the Third Reich."

That was a bit to close to Hogan's truth to be comfortable. Still, a platypus spy? And London questioned them for using a chimp to deliver information to a contact?

"Captain Carterhiem, take... custody of the prisoner."

Carter moved into the cell as Hogan cleared the last few details with the lieutenant. A small hat sat next to the platypus and he picked it up, carefully stuffing it in a pocket. After a moment, he picked up the platypus and cradled him in his arms. He absently stroked the agent as he moved back to Hogan's side.

A few 'Heil Hitlers' and they were on their way out. Mission probably completed.

* * *

Kinch removed the headphones from his ears as he sat back from the radio to look at his CO. "London sends their thanks for requesting Agent P."

"And we are sure this is their agent?" Hogan's skepticism hadn't faded in the time it took to get back to camp. It was hard to take it seriously when said agent was currently in the barracks being petted and pampered by half the residents and only responding with contented sounds in his half-awake state.

"He either matches the description or 'small, teal, and fury' is a new piece of code that hasn't been added to our books yet." Taking a moment to check the notes he'd written, Kinch read off, "They also said he's a suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury." A moment of silence let that statement sink in as both men's minds drifted back to what was taking place above them. "Would you like me to triple check with London, sir?"

* * *

"Raus! Raus! Schnell!" Schultz's wake-up call, complete with near door bunk pounding, came to a screeching halt as his eyes fell on the scene on the bunk he was banging on. "What is that?"

Still yawning as he left his private room, Hogan smiled at Carter slowly unwrapping himself from where he'd pulled the platypus to his chest and curled partway around him during the night. "What's what, Schultz?"

"That." The clarification came with a point.

"That's a platypus."

Schultz groaned. "Colonel Hogan, you know pets in the barracks are verboten."

Newkirk, having come down from his top bunk, plopped Agent P's fedora on the platypus's head. "Oh, come on, Schultzie, ain't he cute?"

"Ja, ja, adorable." Schultz smiled at the animal before his face attempted to harden. "But pets are still verboten."

Throwing an arm over the large guard's shoulders, Hogan grinned. "Don't worry. He's not a pet." 

"He is not?"

"No, he's a fully trained Ally spy we just recused from the Gestapo, and he'll be leaving on a sub tomorrow night."

"Jolly joker." Schultz look turned pleading. "He will be gone tomorrow?"

Hogan nodded, carefully steering him towards the door. "I promise."

A large smile broke out on Schultz's face. "Danke, Colonel Hogan. Danke."


End file.
